That Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the TV Letdowns of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with woeful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final season began, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of cliches? Acting so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are forced to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to reading a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We love the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.